This is going to be a hard few weeks onward. I think it's been a few years since I felt real sad (though thankfully this doesn't touch the eternal fire + solid intuitive voices underneath). I don't remember last time feeling this sad.
I've spontaneously shed lots of excess surface fire this week, but didn't expect for another huge shedding moment coming, and this one is going to have deeper effect. This week I've been feeling more stoic than fiery that at some point I feared so much to lose all the fire but thankfully that's not the case - I believe it was actually a sign of moving forward / growing so to speak. Actually I've asked for another deep change for the better for some time, to help taming some fire for better clarity and efficient energy - this could be my very answer, though didn't expect to be somewhat painful..
So due to certain circumstances, I was kinda cornered to a few choices. Despite having already an inclination to one decision, out of curiosity sake I asked Reddit about their choices. Immediately I received responses, surprisingly NOBODY, NOT A SINGLE ONE supported my preferred solution! Some were reacting harshly too.
My intuition about my preferred way is strong enough that after done being offended for a few seconds, I became more in AWE about how they think. As I was reading their posts, I could see all of them prioritizing safety, security, comfort, to borderline animosity towards adventure / living life at all. Wowww.. no wonder people are so anxious these days, they might have been living too sterile lives, just so much fear of the outside world ('thanks' to the news?)!
Maybe I was wrong in the wording, maybe I missed out or forgot to include more contextual explanations that they reacted so opposingly, but still.. this alone made me WONDER! I think it's no use to explain further, though the mob might change their minds when I did but that's not really my goal - better saving my energy for a puzzle hunt subreddit! 😂
I wont say a word about the full thing coz it might spark more unnecessary controversies, and bah I've lost enough time on this. Rest assured though, this isn't anything REALLY disturbing or offensive.
This case is humbling, I mean deciding to act on what I believe is right despite the pain & lack of support is NO stranger to me but this one unexpectedly really shed my tears (thought I'm a tough cookie lol), it's so GROUNDING. And as if it's having a fractal-like nature, it's affecting also every other aspects within, EVOLVING the whole form of ego. Believe it or not I genuinely sense these tears are healthy, the state is 'pure' sadness, as pure as RAIN, it's simply weather, part of NATURE.
Daaaaaym.. thought I could be Jax-like all my life (minus the murder) lmao! Seriously I'm not sure if I can laugh satisfyingly to the so-called 'idiots' the same way after going through this oh noooesss..!! 😆
Another thing I learned is their rejections of my idea somehow
strengthen my conviction that my intuition is right, I think I'm now
getting even better in separating my genuine voice within (which I
believe is right) and outside NOISE (which is just that: noise of simply
fear of the unknown), like separating oil and water.
And I'm sensing another precious blue diamond insight surfacing following all these.. something to do with even a deeper bliss of NON-ATTACHMENT, might help greatly with my anger on the disturbing universe.. wow I guess this is my way of "meditation", not via monk-like sitting down, haha..
Anyway, now I must prepare for it.
A LITTLE hardship is good and I believe this will be good for EVERYONE involved (you'll thank me later, so to speak).
If you happen to get setbacks a lot, it still could be good - what can kill you, CAN kill you, but it can also MAKE you. No need for false or forced optimism, I'd say be aware of both potentials, and try making the best choice, DARE to go through the consequences all the way.
Because it's not about the ups and downs, chasing all the pleasures, avoid all the pains. It's about discovering there's an ever-unchanging sense of bliss (safety, security, and comfort are INCLUDED!) UNDERNEATH all those ever-changing variables!
For whatever is happening on the outside / surface, deep down you are ALREADY SAFE, deep down you're ALREADY ENOUGH, deep down you're ALREADY BLISSFUL.
( { ..because it's basically 'just' a GAME ;) } - another gem for another story! )
And the way to discover that TRUE SENSE OF SAFETY is including having the courage to go through the pains, mistakes, failures, the lower phases. Whatever happens, you'll FIGURE IT OUT, you'll be okay.
Have some faith in NATURE / UNIVERSE ?
{ don't fight, accept it }
{ don't hold, just DROP THEM ALL }
{ don't avoid the pain, feel it though the way }
*
PS:
I'm not talking about REALLY DISTURBING hardships - for all perpetrators just BURN BURN BURN 'EM ON STAKES FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!!!
And may all the victims 1,000% alleviated off all the sufferings and never remember such sh**ttes ever existed!!!!
Sooo happy for my newly bought logo - time to put it on stuff! OMG it looks so goooood even as my Android wallpaper, ye gotta admit it, huehue..
Then when I found a super cool custom wooden pencil case online, I knew I just had to carve my brand in these too. And here it is, they finished perfectly in 7 days + shipping. Mon Dieu.. c'est MAGNIFIQUE, muy muy MAGNIFICO, n'est-ce pas!!
Slytherclaw Padawan is "on"!
I feel like I'm in one of those beautiful hotel in Marrakesh.. where I stayed a few nights in room full of exotic furniture and decors like those Moroccan lamps aaaaah..!
As far as I explore online, this wooden pencil case product is still rare so I thought, why not get two? This time I simply took their original design, and here they are - now I really feel like I'm in Marrakesh exploring their pretty Moorish gardens wahooo..!
With the pandemic and everything, the transports out of town and abroad are still limited at least at my place, not to mention in times like this it's much wiser to save a LOT first before going for occasional travels. These days I've been longing for walks + photo hunting in gardens, especially large ones with hedge maze and of course with castles in the center!
But just as it is, there are still TONS, UNCOUNTABLE bliss personally I'm super grateful for BEYOND REASON, including the pleasant discovery of this stunning wooden work with affordable price (AND every single supporting condition within and without / around for me to actually enjoy these) - o' Universe thanks so much!
And so while I'm savoring this lovely wooden art, Ima totoally allow myself to envision me out there staying in faraway countries with unique cultures, strolling in their colorful gardens, courtyards, and mazes, exploring their castles (and bring home a few antiques) - o' generous and miraculous Universe thanks so much, thanks so much, thanks so much IN ADVANCE!! Hehehee..
Slytherclaw Padawan WILL have been wuz here!
Meanwhile I'm preparing my stamina by weekday jogs and exercises - Marrakesh, Andalusia (Alhambra, Granada, Cordoba, etc), Toledo, here I coome..!
Dear watchers and curious visitors, here I'm happily announcing a new other branch of my scattered art empire: Haven of Innocence. Check out both the Deviant Art and Blogger site!
I'll be expressing my inner child to the fullest and likely silliest in that account. Come and see if you're interested in giant cats, all sunny and heavenly things sans any real-world struggles, not a shred of disturbing stuff, nor my own thorns and fire.
Doesn't mean I'm suppressing anything, it's just I simply want to express the sunny-rainbowy stuff here to its maximum potential (well, I am and I can be already as snarky as I want in SP and everywhere else, so..).
And about a week ago I managed to join a photomanipulation contest by OnceUponAManip:
My entry was the image above where a kid was chilling with a giant kitty - and guess waaat? I WON 2nd prize omg, what a great start, ahahahahaaa.. thank youuu!!
oooh.. prizes my happy inner pirate kid iz sooo happy..!
Thanks again kindly for the winnn, didn't expect this when I saw other seemingly better and more clever entries! And everyone, feel free to explore my personal heaven, you'll find an entirely different art style and projects in there!
Curious.. I just intuitively sensed another level of "I actually LIKE doing client work" - while I thought I've been in a slump because of the sense of CHORES / BURDEN of prioritizing client work!
Maybe back then it was 50% "FOR RESPONSIBILITY'S SAKE" + 25% "genuine happiness to help clients" + 25% "genuine love for fun challenges".. and now for the next level, I think I just found the path of 50% "GENUINE HAPPINESS TO HELP CLIENTS" + 40% "GENUINE LOVE FOR CHALLENGES" (they now kinda intertwine and hard to distinguish) + 10% "responsibility's sake"!!
I felt like suddenly aligning complicated puzzle discs guarding a huge secret door aaand OPEN SESAMEE..! The treasure inside is finally miiiinnee..!! Also felt like adding an additional FUEL / FIRE CHAMBER to a system, giving
more sustainable energy and more power to the whole process!
Can't really explain how I got this, because it's not really something to be acquired by logic. I'd say this is a simply different universe with all its different set of logic - you'd have to make a JUMP to get it. How do you jump? Listen to and live from your intuition as much as you can possibly do, DAILY.
So it's true that this game called LIFE is unpredictable (thankfully this is in an AWESOME way) coz today as I was mindlessly scrolling through all the art and cat photos in Instagram, I bumped into a post from @logobo0k - it's a beautiful, eccentric-but-elegant, feels-like-so-me SP monogram logo:
Wooow.. for months I've been looking for inspirations for SP monogram logos and have tried designing a unique one of my own but no luck finding / getting the right one UNTIL NOW (when I wasn't actively looking at all)! But with this one I don't feel I need to modify anything much, this just feels right so I decided to contact the designer and BUY this in a few hours (or I'm simply too tired to create something new after all the search hehh..)!!
It's designed by a studio called Memorabilia. Thankfully this logo was still available, it's been in their original Instagram since about 9 months ago from today when this post was written, but only about 3 days ago @logobo0k reposted this and I happened to saw it just today - thank god this beautiful mark was still saved for me, ahahaha..!
Memorabilia seems to have a really nice portfolio shown in their Insta and website, so I was rather doubtful if I could have this within my budget but I managed to gather my courage to send a DM. They sent their design rate (logo design from scratch), which I found as expected to a mid-range studio - which is still super high for me lol - but to my surprise the price for pre-made designs is pretty affordable! And thankfully I've just got considerable additional doubloons from the latest contest win, so, feeling I've reached the end of my searching for a "perfect" mark + relatively affordable price + fear of this getting sold to someone else soon if more people see it = IMA GRAB THISSS!!
I might tweak and add a few things a bit, but for now I just LLLOVVVEE how the logo looks as it is oh my I can imagine creating my own wax seal with this symbol expanding my internet empire mwahahahahaha..!
Aaah.. me buying a logo from other artist / designer versus creating my own, the fact that I actually can afford it itself already feels quite a 'milestone' to me - coz I appreciate every single doubloon tangible and intangible so to speak coming my way o' Universe thanks so much a billion already!! #thisislife #lifeis #todaymatters
I mean I can't believe to find a logo that speaks to me, super cool, not yet taken but its now mine, miine,MIIINNNEE..!!!
Welp, working on "the brand" is another matter, as I guess you can see I'm rather playful and scattered and in-my-own-world / a-bit-less-grounded when it comes to personal projects (though with CLIENT projects I'm 1,000% professional, you can bet on it!) - Ima go with the ocean flow and be open to moarr AMAZING BREAKTHROUGHS beyond imagination!!
And another BIG-BIG THANKS to the Universe coz a few days ago I found out that I made Top 5 of Casiria's food-themed art contest OMG didn't expect my horror, rather gory entry made it!!
Ima so very happy coz long time no art contest not to mention this big of a prize, ahahahahahahaaaa... thanks sssuooo mmuuuucch!!! When yuo drop me $100 iz feels like 100x moar of itt!!
In addition to that I'm in awe in how Casiria actually kindly gave her time and energy too to write feedback for EVERY. SINGLE. entry just o m g !! 😱 I'm just happy to be part of dis awesomeness! Come join her Discord if you're interested.
This week I've been savoring dis sweet, SWEET SURPRISE WINNN and will continue enjoying diz and my every other COMPOUNDING LIFE WIN hopefully 'till FOREVERRR!!
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800 points
